”In 2002 I married a wonderful Australian man. It was love at first sight. A real life love story where we got engaged two weeks after we met and married
six months later believing that it was ‘until death do us part’. We both wanted children and planned to have four children together.
Our marriage lasted four years and we never had children. After the divorce I moved back to Denmark. We loved each other but did not like each other’s
values and we could not make a life or a future together work.
From 2006 to 2011 I dated and had a few semi-serious relationships. I searched
and searched for the man I would have children with. After kissing enough
frogs (and the frogs started reminding me more of toads than frogs) I began
to realize that he might not exist. With the help of a highly respected coach I
came up with an alternative way to have my first child.
During a diving vacation with a girl friend in January, 2010 (I was 35 at the
time) we both decided to take more control of our lives. We planned 2010 to be
our most fantastic year ever. We allowed ourselves to dream big and support
each other’s dreams.
I decided to get pregnant in 2010. I sent a text message to my boyfriend, who at
the time was on a business trip in China. He wasn’t enthusiastic about the idea
and wasn’t ready to be a Dad. At the time we had been seeing each other for
eight months and he was a few years younger than I. Of course I understood
his point of view, but I wasn’t going to let it stop me from making my dream
I texted him, that I wanted to become pregnant in 2010, so my plan was ”just”
to use a sperm donor instead. That way he could adopt the child later, if we
were still together, and we could have a second child together. This was not an
option that my boyfriend could accept – so I ended the relationship.
After some months of lousy dates and a few premature and crazy flings I
straightened my back, strutted my still youthful bosom and decided to seriously
do something about my wish of becoming a mother.
I reminded myself of my goal to become pregnant in 2010. I reminded myself
that I really wanted this and I wanted it before I was too old. I wanted to be
a mother and a grandmother! I also wanted to experience the uniqueness of
developing myself as a woman by becoming a mother.
It was a tough decision and naturally I can’t be completely sure that it is the
right choice for me when I look back on my life in ten years time. But right
now it makes sense to me. And I am looking forward to giving birth to my
first child. I have had a lot of pleasure from talking to Anne about some of the
difficult choices. I hope that you will also get pleasure from our thoughts and
experiences shared in this book.
The decision making process was a little like driving a car in the rain with
window wipers that didn’t work properly. Sometimes it was hard to see clearly
ahead, so I slowed down just as I would have done if I had been driving. It has
made the process longer, but it means that I completely honestly can say that
my heart, mind, soul and body are in alignment when it comes to this decision.
That way I made contact with my inner wisdom and listened to my heart.
It has been a long journey with ups and downs. Thoughts have flown through
my head – one minute ‘I don’t have a man’ to ‘I want to do this on my own’ the
It is not out of need and desperation that I bring a new person into this world,
it is actually because I want this and I want to do it by myself – if I didn’t, there
are many other possibilities. I am grateful to live in Denmark as it is a haven for
single women that want to become mothers with help from a sperm donor.
It took courage and self insight to admit to my deepest motivation behind wanting
to become a mother this way.
After making the decision to become a mother I focused on getting as healthy
as possible. Working as a fitness instructor 10 hours a week, I trained my body
to be physically stronger. I stopped drinking alcohol completely in June, 2010
and basically did everything I could to become the most optimal environment
for the child of my dreams. I have never smoked.
Even before I was pregnant I was aware of what kind of beauty and personal
care products I used. Before I became pregnant I also lived healthily and some
might call me a health freak. Among other things I meditate an hour a day.
This way I was in my most optimal condition, when I got pregnant.
On June 30, 2010 I asked my doctor to start my insemination process and by
July 1, 2011 I had a positive pregnancy test in my hand.
Photo of Signe from when she was pregnant (week 34).